Episode 1: Total Eclipse
I know what you're picturing. A primary school teacher eating Jaffa Cakes in attempt to educate her pupils about the Eclipse. Unfortunately, it's the BBC's shite adventures of Robin Hood all over again. It's one of those programmes that's so bad and cliché that it's actually enjoyable. In the second scene, being the hip, cool, and 'with it' Robin from the Hood, he's gone all macho and angry, trying to get away from his friends, saying "watcha gonna do?!" If Robin was real, would he really talk to his Merry 12th Century Men like this?
Stop following me, y'all!
In the programmes usual annoying obession with captions at every opportunity, it's swishh-ching to LOCKSLEY VILLAGE, and Robin is on the war path against the gorgeous Guy of Gisborne. As a threat, Robin fires an arrow through Guy's open window.
If he's so fantastic at aiming on the spot like that, why didn't he just alter the trajectory a little and get him between the eyes? Too simple?
In the spastic jerky blurry shuddery camera movement fight, Guy throws Robin down a waterfall. As 'proof' of his 'death', he brings Robins necklace to the Sheriff of Nottingham.
By the same logic I could have someone post my parents a sock and it would be solid proof of my demise. Thankfully unconvinced, Guy is sent to the river to find proper proof. In the same way anyone would search for a dead body, he flails around the riverside shouting "where are ya?!" With one of Robins Merry Men taken prisoner, the Sheriff uses him to try and locate a stash of everything they've stolen. Foolishly, he digs a perfectly square height depth pit (in about 5 minutes), before saying "oh, maybe it was by that tree over there." Annoyed, the Sheriff hands the shovel to one of his soldiers, asking him to "fill it in".
As you may be able to tell from the picture, this soldier is footing the spade in the ground to dig up fresh soil. It seems the Robin Hood™ Digger drove the previously displaced soil to an off-camera location.
As the episode progresses, people get caught, stupid decisions are made, and Robin pulls daft faces. Oh, and the moon legs it across the sky to form an eclipse and vanish to the other side of the sky within about 7 seconds. Check out the timer on these pictures.
A total Eclipse at 38.24
An entire 5 seconds later, and there's no sign of the moon. It was just Robin Hoods big fat head all along.
Oh, that's where the moon went. At 38.56. Just in time for his god-awful motivational speech. Once again, sterling performances by Kieth Allen and Richard Armitage are destroyed in a cess-pit of plot holes and an appauling mountain of rubbish. See you next time for episode 2.
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4 comments:
Haha, sounds hideous. Give me Errol Flinn anyday.
I live in Nottingham too, it's a real travesty that show, terrible stuff :)
Most fun reading this too :) keep up the watching, it's more fun reading this and I never got past episode 1.
*blinks* The end of the series kinda suprised me. *blinks*
Thanks Andrew! I don't think I could make it through an episode without Richard Armitage strutting around in his leathers, he is rather lovely.
And Fireclown, I missed the end of the previous series, the Marian thing did suprise me, but it's not a huge loss. I'm sure a new love interest will be introduced, and she might actually wear period costume instead of flared trousers and tight red t-shirts.
Ah-Ha, you have a very good point there. I didn't quite get the Flares and hipster clothes. Reminds me of the Twilek Jedi in Episode III that had the Hipster Leather trousers.
Are they making another series? Surely not.
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