Red Magazine

Today, I bought a women's magazine. Infact, I bought a couple. This is most out of character for me, I'm a tomboy, the only magazines I buy are about video games.
Most of us know ladies' magazines are full of pictures of women, so I bought these to help me draw some female character concepts for one of my modules at uni. I bought Red because it's pretty thick, and Heat because it's almost entirely made up of pictures.

"Red" Magazine is 179 pages long, packed with pictures, which is perfect for what I wanted, but what's in the actual magazine? I know this is a long list, but seriously, try and read it.

1-2: Advert for anti-wrinkle cream
3-4: Advert for ridiculous looking clothes
5: Hi, I'm the editor. "Cosy" is fashionable. Buy cushions.
6: Contents
7: Advert for skin care product
8-9: Advert for womens fragrance
10: List of people who write for Red

11: Advert for anti-winkle cream
12: "Your Say"
13: Advert for womens fragrance
14-15:Advert for foundation
16-17: Advert for anti-wrinkle cream
18: Advert for womens fragrance
19: A picture of a stupid looking ring to mark the 'shopping' section
20: A page of over priced clothes for 'office' wear

21: Advert for foundation
22: 7 pairs of dumb looking shoes
23: Advert for womens skin care
24: Advert for womens skin care
25: Some lingerie
26-30: Models modelling strange outfits

31: Advert for womens skin care
31: Some make up shizzle for Valentines Day
32: Advert for foundation
33: Advert for hair care
34: Buy these things:
-Some stars to stick on the wall
-An old chair
-A grey lamp shade
-Grey cushions
-An old fashioned telephone
35: What Vanessa Knox-Brien thinks about fashion
36: Advert for foundation
37-42: Interview with Jodie Kidd. The picture of her has a lowdown of the costs of her clothes.
Silk shirt £140
Cotton vest £12
Necklace £2000
Ring £3990
Another necklace £850
Another necklace with some rings on it £4620

43: Advert for deodorant
44: Advert for mobile phone
45: Possibly the worst article I have ever read, about 'minibreaks'
46-47: "Closet smokers"
48-49: "Luxury living for less" (how contradictory, when they told me to spend £125 on a grey lampshade on page 34)
50: Advert for Uncle Ben's Express

51-52: "Smart Spending" (Including 'I ditched my trainer to pay for Botox')
53: Advert for hand cream
54-55: Interview with Javier Bardem
56: Advert for lip care
57-58: "Smart, successful & secretly bulimic"
59: Advert for money-saving event
60-61: "Domestic Disharmony", a generic man and woman argue about 5 trivial things, second worst thing I've ever read
62-64: I'm Brix Smith-smart, but my real name is Laura Elise Salenger, and here are some pictures of my home
65: Advert for mayonnaise
66-68: Some women preach about how to be 'green'
69: Advert for Shredded Wheat
70: Matt Christie talking about marriage

71: Advert for anti-perspirant
72-75: A reader survey about work
76: Vote for women to win an award
77: Advert for clothes
78-79: Advert for more clothes
80-82: Advert for even more clothes

83: Something about Sean Penn
84: More random shit they want you to buy (a candle, a book, and for some reason a TV show they want you to watch)
85: Advert for washing up liquid
86: Advert for health club
87-88: More random shit they want you to watch/buy
89: Celebrities in dresses

90-91: Subscribe to Red, the shittest magazine ever created
92: Advert for tissues
93: A handbag for £136
94: A handbag for £216
95: 16 handbags
96: Some ugly jewellery
97: 5 easy steps about how to order this ugly jewellery
98: Advert for washing up liquid
99: "Modern Retro" (in other words more random shit they want you to buy)
100-109: Models modelling really expensive stuff. Most of the outfits are are between £1000-£2000 in total, and look completely stupid.

110: Advert for anti winkle cream
111: Advert for skin care
112-116: Something about makeup products I don't understand
117: Advert for nail varnish
118: Advert for hair products
119-120: Stop bad habits - drinking, smoking, stress (it's a bad habit?) and sunbathing

121: Advert for hair care
122: Some bollocks about fragrances and make up
123-124: Advert for anti-winkle cream
125: Next months issue (inlcuding, 'what to wear for work - solved!', even though they covered that on page 20.)
126: Advert for butter
127: A picture of some manky looking food
128-131: Pictures of cushions, a dog, curtains, mugs, trees and biscuits

132-136: Make some food
137: Buy Lenor washing up liquid for Valentines Day, seriously
138: Advert for holidays
139-144: People talking about holidays
145: Advert for Feta cheese
146: Advert for weighing scales
147-152: "£80,000 worth of life advice -free!" (There's a bloke here who'll charge £27,000 per hour for a consultant management group. His free advice is to make a "not to-do list". Wow.)

153: Advert for some positive/uplifting/life changing event
154: Advert for Tesco Diet web site
155: Diet tips
156: Advert for sore throat relief
157-159: Some boring stories
160-162: "Upgrade your life"

163: Advert for sanitary towels. It says "Have a happy period." I say "Fuck off."
164-166: Some women talk about holidays, yet again
167: Advert for cough syrup
168: Buy these clothes
169: Advert for Vicks product
170-176: Tons of adverts

177: Horoscopes. Apparantly I (Gemini) have opportunities in work and romance abroad, and I am going to be the centre of attention on the 19th. Of course.
178: Talking to Michael Sheen
179: Advert for hair care

So the motto here is:

• Spend a fortune on clothes. No wait, buy them in a supermarket because some women ranting about "green" told you to.

• Don't spend your money on trivial things and turn your life around instead. No wait, spend hundreds of £'s on a grey lampshade.

• You need at least twelve different types of foundation.

• Buy cushions.

• If your boyfriend goes in the shower and decides to use shower gel to mess around with his hair, you need to dump him.

I think I need to play GTA IV violently and squash women.